Geeza Job!

I have applied for many a job in my lifetime. Most I didn't get. Most I didn't deserve.

I even went through a spell of trying to be the Pope for a while. Not that I'm catholic or religious. I just fancied my flat being a country all by itself and access to that library! (And being allowed to wear dresses.) Turned out that I wasn't qualified! (Hey, this was some time back when they were in need of a Pope a bit quick after the previous one had only lasted twenty minutes. I though they might not be so strict in the circumstances! Anyway, that Polish guy got the job and I went back to searching the classifieds.)

Then I thought that I'd quite like to be a Guiness Quality Control Inspector (GCQI). I swear! I actually met one! Lovely girl. They actually have such things! Unfortunately, to be a GQCI, you need a Bachelor's degree in Chemistry, a Master's degree in Food Science and a PhD in Slinging Them Down. Unfortunately, I only possess the latter.

However, now, many years later, I am in the position of trying to employ someone. Or a couple of someones. For reasons too intricate and tedious to relate, I have been entrusted with the delicate task of finding some laowai teachers for a local college. I have disseminated information and await replies. All the replies so far have failed. The information and advertisements I sent out clearly stated that the college will only accept applications from QUALIFIED teachers and set out the required qualifications.

Not a single applicant so far appears to have read the requirements. Oh! Not true! One did. But instead of writing directly to me, forwarded a message previously sent to another college stating how happy he would be to come to a college in a completely different city. Sloppy! But what amazes me (not very much) is the number of people who think that having passed through a primary school and chatted with the precious darlings and used enough vaguely English noises to allow the brats to go out and annoy every other Laowai in town, is somewhow a qualification to work at university level!

I resist the temptatation to cite here examples of the more amusing Chinglish which I encounter! And I'm glad! The English of some of the job applicants is much worse! If you promise me that you will read the requirements, the details are here and should you be inspired to apply please do so in the suggested manner, then I might respond. But believe me. 99% of replies so far have been vertically filed. Just like them cardinal guys did to me!

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