Clown and Cop Chaos

Yesterday, I dragged myself across town to attend the latest International Clown Festival. I should have stayed in bed.

Liuzhou set its best minds to deciding how to maximise attendance and came up with the cunning plan of closing the only road leading to the park where the festival is held. So, I get a taxi to somewhere not that nearby and have to walk the rest.

Entering the park, I find a large stage with some bimbo yelping out some Canto-pop or pap. Not a clown in sight. But, I know there are other stages elsewhere and wander off in search.

The next stage I find is empty but for a cage. A voice announces that the show will start in five minutes. Fifteen minutes later we are treated to the disgusting spectacle of two bears beating the shit out of each other. This is apparently entertainment. I rush off. Here is a picture from the local news.

After passing through all the stalls selling everything from water to English lessons, I find stage three. Nothing much is happening but it looks like they may be setting something up. After yet another long wait, eventually I spot a clown. I spot lots of them. They are the audience. The sun breaks out ever so slightly and every idiot raises their umbrellas to ward off the evil rays. No one can see anything.

Finally the selfish morons realise that they will be stoned to death if they don’t get rid of the umbrellas and I realise that the show has actually started. I can see something.

Of course, it would help if the clowns kept their performance on the stage rather than the area in front of the stage which 90% of the audience can’t see.

Fortunately, just at this point, my companion decides that she is sick and has to sit down. Of course, there is no where to sit so we stagger away and eventually find a rock for her to sit on. It becomes clear that she really isn’t feeling too good and we ought to leave. The problem is that there are 934,427 people all trying to leave at the same time and there are only three taxis.

Clearly, it is time for a cunning plan. I ask a policeman for help, explaining that my friend is sick. He kindly offers to drive us away from the park to somewhere where we can grab a taxi. So, we pile into the cop car, the cops give us bottles of water and we are escorted out and away. Sorted!

I am glad to say that I did not pay to attend the festival. I was given tickets. Had I paid, I would have been seriously annoyed. The whole event was a disorganised shambles and we heard several people complain. Of course, it will be reported how much of a success it was, anyway.

(My dear friend has recovered)

tags: liuzhou  clown  festival  umbrellas  police  sick  

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