Having received a couple of calls from foreign parts, I'm putting up this short entry to let you know that today's earthquake in Sichuan province has had no effect here and that we are all safe.

It seems it was felt all over China and even as far away as Bangkok. But, its despite having a border with Sichuan, I have heard nothing from Guangxi and certainly not from Liuzhou.

UPDATE: It seems that the quake was felt in some parts of Guangxi (Nanning), but not in Liuzhou. 

I’ve had to ponder this for a day or two. A few days ago, I read a story informing me that local archaeologists have made an astonishing discovery.

But find them they did. After detailed analysis and research, like asking a passer-by, they have concluded that the towers are in fact mausoleums to hold the ashes of dead monks and nuns from Liuzhou’s Xilai Temple.

Of course, the archaeologists cannot tell you actually which day these erections were thrown up. Still, they go better than the usual Chinese habit of merely dating things by dynasty – vague periods which can be hundreds of years long. No, they are a bit more precise. It appears they date from the 80s.

Yes, the 1980’s. I thought archaeologists dealt with old stuff which they had to dig up. Now, you may think the 1980’s qualifies as old, but I don’t.

Still, apart from me, there is little visible in Liuzhou which is older. Even the old stuff is mostly fake and the “oldest building”, Dongmen (East Gate) is a rebuild. Anything older was bombed by the Japanese in 1944, destroyed by the Red Guards in the Cultural Revolution of the 1960’s or devasted by the “beautification” of the city in the 2000s.

However, in 2003, while turning Liuzhou Square from a lively social gathering place, with sidewalk teahouses and bars, into a windswept desert, and building an underground car park hardly anyone uses, they discovered the old Tang Dynasty (look up the date yourself) city walls and immediately reburied them. They also found an 18th century teahouse / brothel at what is now the northern end of the pedestrian street in the city centre. They reburied that, too. But don’t worry. They did build a much needed mobile phone shop on top of it. After all, we only had 6,481 before.

But I digress.

I had planned going out today, but ...

The local necromancers, otherwise known as the Weather Bureau, did announce that there would be thunderstorms, but I ignored them - as usual. Around noon, it started to pour and within minutes the lane outside Chez Laowai was flooded. Again.

Fortunately, I had just come back from the shop with a supply of beer. Seconds later the shop was under water. The debris beside the shop is their kitchen. You can just make out their gas bottle floating away.

Liuzhou has suffered its first contagious hand-foot-mouth disease (HFMD) fatality. According to the official Xinhua News Agency, 

" In Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region, southwest China, a boy aged one and a half years old from the rural area of Liuzhou City died on Tuesday, the local health administration announced.

The child began to cough and caught a fever on Saturday. His parents did not send him to hospital until three days later when he went into a coma."

According to the same report, the death toll in China now stands at 32, with 24,934 children infected.

Source 

Liuzhou's bus stops are a thing of great joy. They all have names. Usually, they are named after local landmarks such as schools, factories, markets, hotels, hospitals etc. You can see some here.

Unfortunately, the city is changing so rapidly that the names are completely out of date. Schools change name; factories go bust or move. So, the bus stop named “No 1 Dodgy DVD Manufacturing Company” is but a sad reminder of a once thriving city centre facility employing hundreds of workers (but not paying them). The factory has long gone. The boss is now living it up in foreign parts with his mistress and his other mistress. Actually, I just made that up, but you get the idea. And it could be true. The point is the bus stop remains.

My reason for telling you this is that, yesterday, I noticed a bus stop name which had failed to register before. I don’t use buses much, but I had walked past this stop a thousand times. For some reason it grabbed my attention yesterday. It said:

This means “Muslim Restaurant”

A wave of nostalgia swept over me. I do remember. There was a very good Muslim restaurant nearby, but it (sadly) disappeared years ago. In fact, this was a bit of a Muslim area. With this in mind, I looked around and caught sight of the evidence for the last time. In their heroic efforts and march towards socialism with Chinese characteristics they are pulling down all the interesting buildings and replacing them with gaudy neon lit paeans to bad taste beautiful new buildings.

One day, they’ll come for the bus stop signs.

Yesterday, I dragged myself across town to attend the latest International Clown Festival. I should have stayed in bed.

Liuzhou set its best minds to deciding how to maximise attendance and came up with the cunning plan of closing the only road leading to the park where the festival is held. So, I get a taxi to somewhere not that nearby and have to walk the rest.

Entering the park, I find a large stage with some bimbo yelping out some Canto-pop or pap. Not a clown in sight. But, I know there are other stages elsewhere and wander off in search.

The next stage I find is empty but for a cage. A voice announces that the show will start in five minutes. Fifteen minutes later we are treated to the disgusting spectacle of two bears beating the shit out of each other. This is apparently entertainment. I rush off. Here is a picture from the local news.

After passing through all the stalls selling everything from water to English lessons, I find stage three. Nothing much is happening but it looks like they may be setting something up. After yet another long wait, eventually I spot a clown. I spot lots of them. They are the audience. The sun breaks out ever so slightly and every idiot raises their umbrellas to ward off the evil rays. No one can see anything.

Finally the selfish morons realise that they will be stoned to death if they don’t get rid of the umbrellas and I realise that the show has actually started. I can see something.

Of course, it would help if the clowns kept their performance on the stage rather than the area in front of the stage which 90% of the audience can’t see.

Fortunately, just at this point, my companion decides that she is sick and has to sit down. Of course, there is no where to sit so we stagger away and eventually find a rock for her to sit on. It becomes clear that she really isn’t feeling too good and we ought to leave. The problem is that there are 934,427 people all trying to leave at the same time and there are only three taxis.

Clearly, it is time for a cunning plan. I ask a policeman for help, explaining that my friend is sick. He kindly offers to drive us away from the park to somewhere where we can grab a taxi. So, we pile into the cop car, the cops give us bottles of water and we are escorted out and away. Sorted!

I am glad to say that I did not pay to attend the festival. I was given tickets. Had I paid, I would have been seriously annoyed. The whole event was a disorganised shambles and we heard several people complain. Of course, it will be reported how much of a success it was, anyway.

(My dear friend has recovered)

Every few days, the local newspapers and Liuzhou Television announce which areas are to have their electricity cut off at what time. The city, like most of China, is very much short of power. Homes, shops, schools, factories etc are frequently in the dark.

That doesn’t prevent them from wasting huge amounts. The city centre is rarely cut off and certainly not at night when the whole place is ablaze with lights.

So, here is a short film of downtown Liuzhou at night which I put together last night, May 1st 2008. Enjoy. 

China does not have any direct equivalent to the UK’s Advertising Standards Agency or similar organisations in other countries. That is not to say that that there are no regulations. There are. For example, the more ridiculous advertisements on national television a few years ago offering brain pills to make your kids smarter were outlawed. However, the industry is loosely monitored, if at all.

So, I’ve been amused recently by a couple of ads or publicity. First, I came across this shop selling water heaters here in Liuzhou. The claim to be an Australian joint venture but their website has an address in Sydney but nothing else to show any Australian connection. Indeed, if they are an Australian joint venture couldn’t they have found someone to check their Chinglish!

 

Well, damn! I wish I’d known that before I took my PhD! The inability to recite books backwards was the one thing which held me back!

According to the ticket, the course is offered by “Love and Home Sky” (LAHSKY), a Guandong company which offers courses for children in pretty much everything from Confusianism and Daoism to Memory Enhancement. Can't see anything sensible, though. They claim that this course is run in cooperation with Delter International and the lecture will take place in the lecture room of Websters Education Institute. These are two of the more respected private education facilities in Liuzhou (Delter is a Canadian Company). If they really are connected to this drivel, then they should be ashamed.

I couldn't make this up! Over the years, I have often mentioned the amazing regularity with which Liuzhou people like to fall down holes. Most of them end up being taken to hospital. Now the hospital has decided to fall down a hole, too.

Liuzhou Workers' Hospital had to evacuate 500 patients from its wards when the main building started to subside into a hole being dug to contain an underground car park.

We are now waiting for the whole of Liuzhou City centre to fall into the hole they are digging to contain the underground shopping mall.

Random Photograph No. 10

Tenth in a series of pictures, taken in Liuzhou, which amuse me.

More than a month after China Mobile sent out an SMS warning people of AIDS / HIV laced kebabs (see here), the Xinjiang government have finally woken up after whatever banquet they were at and decided to issue a statement.

They make clear that the story is nonsense, explain how HIV can be transmitted and emphasise that it cannot be introduced through the digestive system.

So your kebabs are safe. Officially. As we knew all along.

Don’t keep yourselves awake at night waiting for China Mobile’s apology, though.

SOURCE (Chinese)

A smile was sent to face today as I stepped out for my daily constitutional. I was headed in the direction of the bread shop, then the market. Oh! And I had to purchase a new fish slice. The handle broke on the last one. I lead such an interesting life.

Anyway, there I was strolling up the lane which leads to the outside world when I spot a new addition to the local decorations. Someone has only been and gone and went and stuck up a huge red banner!

Following on from my previous post entitled "Noodle Nonsense", I am delighted to bring you the news that, despite the usual animosity between the mainland and Taiwan, they do manage to come together, sometimes. Unsurprisingly, over food. 

It appears that Guangxi has been holding an International Rice Noodle Forum and a delegation from Taiwan attended. I should think so, too. 

Unfortunately the forum was not held in Liuzhou, but up the road in Guilin. Otherwise I might have delegated myself to go.

Source