We're all a bit in shock here in Liuzhou. Just last week it was a sunny 21ºC. Then the temperature dropped overnight to 12º before staggering downwards to a mere 6ºC. And they have been the highs. Right now, 3:30 pm on Wednesday 18th November, it is a mere 10ºC.

Of course, it does get cold most winters, but such rapid changes are unusual and the cold is usually much later - in January or February. Stiff letters have been sent to the meteorological office, but to no avail. So we sit and freeze.

One group of people who seem content are the street vendors with their hot roast sweet potatoes, corn on the cob and roast chestnuts. At least they have something to keep themselves warm. The hat selling shop lady isn't complaining either!

The forecast is for temperatures to return to the low 20ºs again next week rising to 26ºC by Friday the 27th.  In the meantime, I'm going to sit in the fridge to warm up. 

Cooking in a wok, at the London Mela 2005. Source: Jan van der Crabben (Photographer)
This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 2.0 License. 

I decided many years ago that I wasn’t going to survive in China unless I was willing to do something utterly ridiculous every now and again. Perhaps one day I will get round to confessing to some of the more insane moments but in the meantime you have to be content with this.

A few days ago, I had a long MSN chat with a close Chinese friend who moved from Guangxi to Australia some years ago. She has now married a local and taken up Australian citizenship. Like many a Chinese expat, she has now opened a restaurant, Chongqing Wanzhou Fish BBQ House in Melbourne. If you are passing do drop in. Tell her I sent you.

During the conversation, I teased her for opening a restaurant despite her well known inability to cook and she retorted by offering me a job as her chef! This arose from an incident many years ago, to which she was a witness.

Another friend was opening a restaurant here in Liuzhou and I was there a couple of days before the scheduled opening night, helping the owner to test the beer, an activity to which we applied our full attention to detail and which took most of the afternoon. The owner had invited a group of special and influential guests for a preview of her new establishment that evening. Unfortunately, just before they were due to arrive we learned that the chef had managed to poison himself or something and was unable to perform. The owner then ran around in circles panicking and generally seeing her dreams of restaurant success pouring down the drain. 

After a few minutes she got herself relatively under control and despite still hyper-ventilating managed to croak at me, “Do something!” 

I did. I poured another beer.

“No! Really do something!”

“Like what?” I wittily replied, while trying to give my full attention to judging the suitability of the beer as a beverage in a top class eatery.

“Like cook!” she whimpered.

“Of all the 1.3 billion people in China, the only person you can think of to cook for your guests is the drunken laowai in the corner? You are opening a Chinese restaurant in China, into which you have sunk not only your life savings but those of your entire extended family and a few neighbours and you are suggesting that the gastronomic creativity behind the launch of this venture should be undertaken by a drunken laowai who had never been in a commercial kitchen in his life?”

“Yes. I have no choice.”

For reasons which can only attest to the strength of the local brew (or the quantity tested) this suddenly seemed to make some sort of sense and I vaguely recall agreeing (or that’s what they told me afterwards).

I decide that there was no chance of me cooking the existing menu as I had never heard of 80% of the dishes never mind in possession of the mysteries of their recipes, so a new limited menu was drawn up and was to be presented as a special ‘tasting menu’. In other words, the guests would be given what I decided to cook, whether they liked it or not. The only provision was that the food should be Chinese. That ruled out my killer beans on toast.

A lackey was sent off on her bike to the market to acquire the ingredients which the kitchen did not possess, my dishes being somewhat off menu. Lackey No. 2  was set to chopping stuff while I spent half an hour or so working out how to turn on the gas.

Lackey No. 1 returned minus half the ingredients which she claimed the local market did not have so I set her to washing and chopping what she had bought while I jumped in a taxi and shot off to my favourite market where I found everything I thought I needed. When I got back, lackey No. 1 was surprised to see that I had found the stuff she was sure didn’t exist.

Finally, with all the lackey aid, everything was ready – chopped, sliced, minced, ground etc and I had worked out the rudiments of turning the heat up and down etc. I decided that cooking bucketloads of rice could be trusted to a menial and I relaxed with a beer to await my customers. Then, another beer to wash that one down.

Eventually, someone woke me up to tell me that the customers had arrived, thus totally ruining my dream that I was about to be the chef in a Chinese restaurant in China. A couple of shakes of the head and I realised that it wasn’t a dream. It had the makings of a nightmare, though.

Grabbing a beer to steady my nerves, I headed for the kitchen and work.

God! It’s hard work. Those woks weigh a ton even when empty and the kitchen was damned hot. I quickly sweated out all the day’s beer and more. Lackey No. 1 one was commissioned to pass me vegetables, knives, condiments etc on order. I was too harassed to even worry about getting the Chinese right. I yelled something and she delivered. Lackey 2 was given the onerous task of keeping me supplied with liquid refreshment in case I died of dehydration mid way through a stir-fry. 

Somehow the all the dishes got cooked and passed to the waiters who disappeared into the depths of the restaurant and were never seen again – well the waiters were seen again, but not the dishes.

I collapsed in the corner, dripping sweat and called for a celebratory beer. To celebrate finishing the cooking without having passed out, set fire to myself or dropped the woks which had become heavier and heavier as the service went on.

I now waited to hear the roars of complaint at the dishes. After what seemed like hours, the head waitress (the one who who greets customers and is always rather pretty and dressed in a sexy qipao (cheongsam)) arrived and requested that I get myself in gear and report to the private dining room where the guests were hiding. 

It seems that my friend, who was dining with her guests, had failed to inform her guests of the unusual catering arrangement and had surprised them by suggesting she introduce the chef, not something that usually happens in Chinese restaurants. But after several bottles of Chinese gut rot (rice wine) they were amenable. When I turned up, they thought that this was a great joke. They didn’t believe that I had cooked, but I was just glad to see that they had eaten most of the food and weren’t complaining. This I put down to the fact that they were all too drunk to notice the food, which would be typical for a Chinese banquet.

I retired to the bar and thought it was probably time to have a beer.

Next morning I woke up in pain. The head was a bit cloudy and my mouth tasted like a particularly rancid panda had spent the night there (have you ever smelled a panda?)  but the real pain was in my arms. They were virtually dead. It was all I could do to scratch myself. Those woks!

I decided there and then to give up all the dreams I ever had or would ever have of getting into a culinary career. I now know which side of the pass is the best. 

The real chef eventually recovered and the restaurant had its public opening night without problem. A year later it went bust. Not my fault!

We're used to the occasional fireworks display round these parts - New Year, China's National Day etc. But a couple of days ago we had an unexpected display.

It seems this truck carrying a load of fireworks caught fire while on the Liuzhou-Nanning expressway and the cargo did what the cargo was designed to do. No one was hurt. Which is unusual. Every year we read reports of people being killed in firework manufacture incidents.

Liuzhou has reported its first H1N1 (Swine Flu) fatality. A 27 year old man, named only by the surname Zhang, fell ill on November 1st and went to Liuzhou Worker's Hospital where he was diagnosed with H1N1 and transferred to Liuzhou People's Hospital, the designated treatment centre for swine flu.

Yesterday (11th), the patient was having severe breathing difficulties and suffered two cardiac arrests before finally succumbing to a third.

Liuzhou has seen an number of cases of H1N1 and several schools and colleges have been closed for various periods.

It's been a bit quiet round this blog recently. But it was nearly lost altogether.

At the beginning of the month, I received an email from the service provider, Blog-City, reminding me that my subscription had expired and giving me 10 days to cough up after which my blog would be deleted for non-payment. Perfectly reasonable.

So I tried to pay. Blog-City only accepts payment through Paypal and my Paypal account boasted the huge balance of £3 - not quite enough. No problem, I thought, use my credit card. I duly entered all the details only to be told by Paypal that my card (a standard, valid, Visa card) was not acceptable. No reason was given as to why. I thought perhaps I'd entered some of the information incorrectly, so I re-entered it. Unfortunately, this time the computer crashed. On the third try, I again got the non-acceptance message. But they also blocked my Paypal account. To reopen it, I have to supply them with the account number of a bank account in the UK. The only record of this account number is in a drawer on the other side of the world, in an empty house. My usual UK fixer and arranger is on holiday, here somewhere in China.

No problem, I thought. They've blocked my account. Open another one. I did this, only to find my credit card number has been blocked throughout the Paypal system. Thanks guys. There is nothing wrong with the card!

A friend offered to let me use his wife's Paypal account,but she unfortunately had forgotten the password and various attempts to get reminders ended up with her account being blocked, too.

I shot off an email to Blog-City to explain my predicament and asking whether I could pay them by any other method. I really didn't want to lose all five years of entries and was getting a little desperate. Within an hour I had a reply from the lovely people at Blog-City telling me not to worry. They have credited my account with a year's subscription and said I can sort out payment when my fixer gets back to the UK at the weekend.

So, here I still am - thanks to Blog-City and to Expatriate Games and Mrs Games. And no thanks to Can'tPaypal

Several times over the years, various foreigners in Liuzhou have commented on how little crime there is in the city. I always want to ask them how they have arrived at that conclusion without being able to read or understand Chinese. True, crime against foreigners is low (the occasional pick-pocketing and petty theft), but getting any idea of the incidence of crime requires an ability to read and understand the local media. Most of our perception of crime rates comes not from personal experience or hearsay from friends and colleagues, but from the media. And when you don't understand the media, it is easy to assume things don't happen.

I would say that Liuzhou has as much or as little crime as you would expect in a city of around 1,000,000 people. We have our share of thefts, fraud, car crime etc. Recently we have seen the capture of a million in counterfeit bank notes (along with the counterfeiters). From time to time, someone finds themselves beaten or even murdered, usually by friends or family as everywhere else. From time to time, the locals execute people.

A quick scan of today's paper reveals concern over the rising number of hit and run accidents, a government employee is on trial for embezzling money to feed his gambling habits, a couple of  peasants in their 70s take to fighting about a disagreement over logging rights on their land and various drunken drivers get caught, including this pair who fell asleep in the fast lane of the highway. A quiet, normal day.

The occasional foreigner gets caught, too. There is one foreigner, described as being of Middle Eastern origin, serving a long sentence in Liuzhou prison, although his crime - rape - was committed in Nanning. An Australian was recently held in detention for financial irregularities over a proposed joint venture. A few have been deported, mainly for visa violations, but also one for being a drunken violent slob.

Many crimes probably go unreported. Either because they are not interesting and newsworthy enough or because they are being covered up. This could be for political reasons or because the newspapers and reporters have been bought or warned off in one way or another. Also, the Chinese press prefers to run 'good news'. Negative stories are often spiked.

Of course, we also get our share of mindless violence. Here is an example of a case which has never been reported in the Liuzhou media (although there was some mention on local bulletin boards - now removed.)

Shatang is on the northern outskirts of Liuzhou. It is really a small market town serving the local rural population and farming villages. Unemployment is high and, most of the time, groups of young men can be seen hanging around doing nothing much in particular. Same as any small Chinese town.

What marks Shatang out is that it is home to a number of higher education colleges including Guangxi Biotechnology Vocational College, Guangxi Animal Husbandry and Veterinary School and the three campuses of Liuzhou Teachers' College. Outside each college campus there are small restaurants providing simple food at student prices.

The details of this story are hard to come by due to the lack of reportage, but what follows is as told me by more than one member of staff from the various colleges. It is not verifiable to the level I would like but ... 

At some time, two weeks ago, (the precise date and time are not clear) a bunch of students from the Biotechnology College were having an evening meal in one of the small restaurants. They accompanied their meal with a few bottles of beer. As students do.

Sure enough, at some stage one student, in his second year, felt the need to relieve himself. While he was doing so, one of the local lads stood beside him and claimed that the student had splashed him with urine. He said that if the student bought him a pack of cigarettes he would be willing to forget the errant urine. The student refused.

A fight broke out between the students and the local lad and his friends, leaving the urinating student dead and two of his friends in serious condition in the local hospital. The dead students major? Hospitality and Tourism.

The school is desperate to keep this quiet - those enrolment figures (i.e. income) must be kept high and this is not the kind of publicity which attracts new recruits. So nothing has appeared in the official media. Police may or not be investigating.

This is not the first time there has been trouble between town and gown. About a eighteen months ago, a couple of of local youths decided to pick on a student in a restaurant outside the Teachers' College main campus. The student in question was a PE major and a little more than they could cope with. He beat the two of them decisively. They then retreated to their villages to gather reinforcements, returning somewhat later in a minivan with a group of around ten youths. 

These ten very quickly found themselves surrounded by around 100 students from the college PE department and were beaten to a pulp. The vehicle they arrived in was also damaged. When they got out of hospital, the ten arrived at the college demanding compensation for their injuries and for the damage to their vehicle. First they demanded money from the students but were seen off again. Later they turned their attention to the college authorities but were rebuffed.

Resentment lingers, but the locals are unwilling to take on the PE students again. They have earned themselves a reputation which puts off most aggressors.

Finally, let me say that occurrences like these are rare. Most of the time, Liuzhou is friendly and peaceful.

*The story was eventually reported in the local media. At the same town it was annoiubnced that the victim's family had been paid ¥140000 by the perpetrator. Quite how an unemployed villager was able to come up with cash equal to around 25 years of the average rural salary remains a mystery.

Four Dutch tourists, two couples aged around 50, are reported to have died at around 8:30 this morning (14th October). According to reports, they were killed when a hot-air balloon exploded and crashed 30km (20 miles) south of Yangshuo in Guangxi. . 

Five passengers, all from a tour group from the Netherlands, and two Chinese pilots were aboard when the accident took place in Maling Township of Lipu County. Lipu is on the road between Liuzhou and Yangshuo. The surviving passenger and the crew are being treated in a local hospital.

The Lipu county government sent 400 people to search for the victims after receiving a report that the balloon had crashed. The balloon was operated by the fully licensed Dongguan Meixiang Aviation Club from Guangdong province.

The tour group has cut short their trip and returned to the Netherlands.

The identities of the dead are not yet available.

China Daily 

More Details from Earth Daily 

The State Council AIDS Working Committee is visiting Liuzhou following the release of the latest figures. The main points are as follows:

There are over 9,000 known cases of HIV /AIDS infection in Liuzhou. 

The main transmission route is now via heterosexual sexual contact, having risen from 1.92% in 1998 to 59.05% in 2008.

Intravenous drug users, previously the largest infected group has fallen from 97.7% in 1997 to 19.6% in 2008. This fall is thought to be the result of a city needle exchange system.

The number of infected women is rising, now accounting for 32.71% of new cases.

More new cases are being seen in people not previously considered to be in high risk groups, suggesting that HIV / AIDS is moving into the general populace.

80% of cases are among 20-49 year-olds, but the number among the over-60s is rising (from 5.35% in 2006 to 12%   in 2009).

The number of rural workers infected has increased from 12.64% in 1998 to 39.51% in 2008. 

Guangxi has the second highest incidence of HIV / AIDS in China, after Yunnan. 

As the water sports wind down, the city is beginning to get back to normal. Well, as normal as it gets. At the weekend the locals get their river back. 

To my surprise some aspects of the mutterings of discontent seem to be being addressed. The local rag is reporting that those people who managed to find day tickets feel that the price was too high and there have been many complaints about the lack of shelter and other basic facilities at the competition site. People either had to sit in the baking sun or take shelter and be unable to see.

Of course, this didn't have any effect on the week ticket holders. They were OK in their VIP area and, of course, didn't pay for their tickets anyway, so they aren't complaining about the price. 

All of these concerns are to be met by moving the venue away from the city centre to a dedicated water sports venue elsewhere on the river. Deputy Director of the event Jia Shushan said that the city centre site was merely a temporary venue and therefore cannot be perfect. Clutching a five-year contract for the games, he said that the new area, in the Jinglan Bridge area, will be more professional. 

And the locals get their river back!

But before I drop this subject, it is only fair to throw in a clip of the final sport - the F1 Powerboat racing. This is the second year this stage of the finals has been held in Liuzhou. As ever, from Liuzhou TV.

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